Why is it that we are our own worst critic? Being a blogger, a yoga teacher, or even just human, we often review ourselves in the worst light. Why?
I film myself while teaching so that I can share my flows with my following, I often am uncomfortable wearing leggings and a bra and prefer to wear a t-shirt so my midriff does not show.
One day, when reviewing my yoga flow, looking at myself move, I called out my perceived flaws: using words like “rolls” “gross” “fat”.
My immediate thought for resolution: How will I be able to lose weight the fastest?
In reflection: why was I ashamed? why did I want to cry? why was I speaking so negatively to myself? why am I ashamed of the body that keeps me strong, holds me, supports me?
A few weeks prior, my mom had taken a photo of me. I had asked her to make sure my “rolls” were hidden. She said to me, remember your body is your body, and it is beautiful.
Again, I remember this, and I also realize how far I had come, that due to mindfulness I am able to ask myself and reflect upon this self-criticism.
The old Jordan is someone who did not practice mindfulness and let her anxiety rule her actions. She was sad, and would restrict to lose weight, and binge later due to this restriction. That Jordan would have restricted. She would have cut her dinner in half, planned a juice cleanse, or a detox. She would have rewatched the video over and over again, looked at photos and critiqued every nook and cranny of her body.
I’m proud to say she’s a part of me, but her mindset has completely changed.
No, I’m not perfect, but I do notice and recognize how much I’ve grown. I realize how much I’ve learned. The practice of mindfulness, education, awareness, and of pure self love is just that, a practice. To be aware of your thoughts and understanding your inner self deeper, only builds on this practice. It takes effort and work. Let me say that again, it takes effort and work.
After sharing these occurances, I received so many messages. People reached out to me to share their stories of insecurity, self loathing. I received many thank you notes. That was not my intention, but I am grateful to have influenced and to have related.
I tell these stories to share my vulnerabilities, because I know others are struggling too.
We can be our own worst critic, our harshest judge. I’m here to say, we can also be our biggest support, and cheerleader.
In life, each day it’s never easy to take the first step. It’s never easy to change. It’s never easy to practice – especially, that one thing that may be that hardest for you.
I always remember that it’s one day at a time. One teeny tiny step in front of the other. If you fall off, like I did (it’s bound to happen), get back on. I encourage you, just like I did, look back where you’ve been, where you were, and then the journey to where you are now.